You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
