well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
