I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
