We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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