I hope mine doesn't look like that
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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