I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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