I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
