She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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