I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
