all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
