you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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