dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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