What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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