I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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