I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
