it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
