I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
