cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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