She announced her abortion via fbk
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
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