Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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