I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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