His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
