if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Congratulations! We have a period
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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