Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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