Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
