i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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