D3 body, D1 cock
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You dont lie about slip and slides
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
