Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
