Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
