I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
