McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
