do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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