I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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