i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
