woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
