i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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