Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
