You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
