I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
