No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
