his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
