i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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