I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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