sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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