I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
