I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
