Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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