he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
