And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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