I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize